I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
