He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It's no shave November. This is our time.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
