Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Life is so much better after having sex.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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