im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
