yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
