I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
