i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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