Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
