can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
