the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
