you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
