you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize