i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
