I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
