Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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