i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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