just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
