it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
