Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
