He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
