He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
