he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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