just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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