yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
