im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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