A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
false alarm. still invincible.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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