No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
this just has baby written all over it
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
