hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
