we're chasing vodka with high fives
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
