end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
What a fucking waste of an outfit
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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