Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
