ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
