i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
