Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
