Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
