Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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