Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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