i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
two words...techno handjob
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
