Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
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