They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
