What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
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