At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
