Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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