You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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