Who wears a wallet chain?!
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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