So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Semen is not good for contacts.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize