There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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