a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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