I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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