hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
