I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize