you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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