Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose

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(212): View more from New York

he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.

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(804): View more from Virginia

I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.

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(253): View more from Washington

You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

We still going to Happy Hour

(201): View more from New Jersey

Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion

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(406): View more from Montana

My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.

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