There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
