she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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