Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
