Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
