I hope mine doesn't look like that
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
