go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
