Kiss
Puke
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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