i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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