I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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