I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
