do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
