my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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