You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
