I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Randomize
