I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
