My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
